marriage is what brings us together

Jan 26

I got married in October and wanted to share my experience - things I did right, things I wish I did, and tips for engaged couples in the midst of the chaos that is planning a wedding.

If you know me, you know I’m obsessed with weddings (I better be - I’m building a career around it). I’m also a Type A control freak with anxiety so I want to assure you that if I can pull off a postponed wedding after a three-year engagement with minimal breakdowns, you can too.

Planning a wedding during a pandemic

There is a CVS receipt-long list of obstacles to anticipate when planning a wedding. I thought I had a good handle on said list, but who could’ve predicted a global pandemic? I was originally going to get married on October 3, 2020, but by April of that year, I knew we had to make a decision - pivot to a “micro wedding” or postpone it to the following year. We ultimately decided to reschedule to October 2, 2021 (losing out on a whole day of Mean Girls references was a bummer), and I’m glad we did. Because we were ahead of the surge of postponements and cancellations, our rescheduling costs were minimal and we didn’t lose any of our vendors.

To be perfectly honest I never thought about making COVID-19 vaccines mandatory for our guests. In May of 2021 vaccines were widely available and nearly everyone I knew was vaccinated or was soon to be. It wasn’t until July that I learned that wasn’t the case. Deciding to require vaccines for all guests was the hardest and best decision we made throughout the entire planning process. I was conflicted because I wanted close family members to celebrate with us, but the health and safety of our guests were more important. This decision, of course, caused arguments and stress, but for the most part, we were met with overwhelming support and gratitude.

What it’s like to have a long engagement

My husband and I were engaged for three years. On the one hand, I had so much time to plan. On the other hand, I had so much time to plan. I changed the color of the bridesmaids’ dresses four times. I changed linens, plates, and table decor. At one point I was convinced I wanted wood flowers. And don’t even get me started about the invitations. My catering coordinator told me I had the largest folder of all of her clients.

The time, however, gave us the ability to focus on the fact that we were getting married rather than the fact that we were having a wedding. In the first year of our engagement, we moved in together and my husband sold his company. Planning a wedding on top of that? No way. We had only been dating for 10 months prior to our engagement, so the extra time gave us the opportunity to grow together and learn more about each other. And let me tell you, if you can survive quarantine together, you can survive anything.

This is not to say a long engagement didn’t have its disadvantages. Our original catering coordinator quit. The venue for our after-party was sold and closed. A lot of our guests moved so I had to track down new addresses. And sure, the hype of our engagement definitely slowed down, but I do believe that gave me the opportunity to not be blinded by the enchantment of a wedding.

Timeline

Below is my timeline for the day. For the most part, I believe it’s the order that matters, not the timing. We tried our hardest to stick to it, but something kept coming up, and it turned out fine. Make sure your family, wedding party, day-of coordinators, and vendors all have this timeline!

8:00 AM Hair & makeup
1:30 PM Bridal party takes bus to The Flying Monkey
2:00 PM First look
2:10 PM Wedding Party photos
3:00 PM Wedding Party takes bus back to Glidden House
3:15 PM Guests arrive
3:50 PM Guests take their seats
3:55 PM Family walks down the aisle
4:00 PM Wedding party walks down the aisle
4:05 PM Bride & Father-of-the-Bride walk down the aisle
4:10 PM Officiant speech, vows, marriage
4:20 PM Recession
4:25 PM Cocktail hour
4:30 PM Family photos
5:45 PM Guests enter the reception
6:00 PM Bride & Groom entrance & first dance
6:05 PM Salad, bread & wine pour
6:10 PM Father-of-the-Bride welcome speech
6:15 PM Honorary Best Man speech
6:20 PM Maid of Honor speech
6:25 PM Salad plates cleared
6:25 PM Dinner
6:45 PM Cake cutting
7:00 PM Father & Bride dance
7:05 PM Mother & Groom dance
7:10 PM Dance floor open
7:30 PM Bouquet toss
7:45 PM Dessert
8:45 PM Late-night snacks
9:50 PM Last dance
10:00 PM Trolley to after party

People warned me that the day would fly by, my husband and I would barely see each other, and I wouldn’t have time to talk to all of my guests. Surprisingly, none of that was the case.

The things we did that I loved and think worked really well

**First Look**

For the longest time, I wanted the moment of seeing my husband’s face as I walked down the aisle in my dress and veil. I didn’t like the idea of a first look because it wasn’t “traditional.” However, once I realized that I wouldn’t see him until the ceremony, I decided it was more important for us to spend as much time together that day as possible. This relieved the stress and anxiety leading up to the ceremony. Also, because we did a first look, we were able to spend time at the cocktail hour and talk to all of our guests before dinner.

**Wedding Party photos**

I told my photographer to focus on candid photos. We did get a few group shots at the bar, but does anyone really need to spend three hours taking the same stiff over and over again? I wanted the photos of the tears, laughter, and dancing - the photos that would help us relive the night. I also wanted our wedding party to enjoy the cocktail hour - I can’t stress enough how important that is. The wedding is for the couple, but it’s also for the guests.
Guests of the wedding party were invited to join us on the party bus to and from the bar. I didn’t want them to be alone leading up to the ceremony, as many of them were not from the area. I also had my photographer take couples’ photos so they had something to remember the day. You have a professional photographer at your disposal - use them! These photos also make great gifts.

**Vows**

We decided to keep our vows private and give them to each other before the rehearsal dinner. So instead of being a blubbering mess during the ceremony, I only broke down in front of a handful of people while reading them at the hotel the night before. And because we did it this way, our ceremony was only five minutes long - which the guests *loved*. This gave my husband and I more time at the cocktail hour to mingle with guests and it gave others more time to enjoy the open bar and appetizers.

**Bride & Groom entrance & first dance**

I made a last-minute decision to cut the wedding party’s entrance. We were down three groomsmen for personal reasons, and my husband and I agreed the tradition felt contrived. Thankfully, the wedding party fully supported this decision.
We instead entered the reception and began our first dance. We had been taking dance lessons for a few months prior and were so nervous to do it justice that we thought if we did this any later we’d be too many champagne glasses deep and miss the steps.

Convenience is key

Plan the wedding for your guests. Moreso, treat your wedding and the wedding your guests are attending as two separate events. I know - this wouldn’t be happening if it weren’t for you and your fiancé, however, you will be busy and can’t give everyone your full and undivided attention. So give them a party you’d want to attend without sacrificing the things you need to do.

The Glidden House, a boutique hotel in University Circle, was the location for our ceremony, cocktail hour, and reception. Parking is hard to come by and I didn’t want people to stress about traveling. The late afternoon ceremony also eliminated the need for people to occupy their time before the cocktail hour.

Throughout the night there were two open bars that were easily accessible. Tony the Bartender had glasses of wine ready to go and French 75s on standby. Though the bar was closed during dinner, a wine pour was offered to each guest.

The early end to the reception gave us an opportunity to host an after-party where we could focus on what first brought my husband and me together - karaoke. We rented a trolley to take everyone to the after-party, located at a bar nearby.

So, no matter how your wedding is structured, put yourself in your guests’ shoes and think of the things you could do to ease their stress. For as much effort as I put into planning the perfect wedding, the feedback was incredible and I promise you can’t go wrong if you plan this way.

Tips, in no particular order

Give your photographer a list of photos you want to be taken. For me, this included a group photo of everyone we know from the bar where we met. If you’re putting a lot of effort into the details (personalized place cards, family photos, etc.) make sure your photographer captures those as well.
Write down every task that needs to be done leading up to and during the wedding. Delegate those tasks to friends, family, event coordinators, anyone!
Appoint someone to shield you from problems, crises, etc. This advice is not limited to the day of - this could be useful for the whole week prior. If a problem doesn’t need your assistance (and it usually won’t), you shouldn’t have to hear about it. It will only add unnecessary stress.
Give someone your phone to take pictures throughout the night. I definitely forgot to do this.
After you purchase your outfit(s) for the wedding, stop following wedding Instagrams/ Pinterest accounts. You made the right choice, don’t let the internet tell you otherwise.
If you don’t have a videographer, make sure someone is recording special dances, speeches, etc.
Request that everyone puts away their phones/ cameras during the ceremony. Your photographer is working hard to get amazing, professional photos, and you’re not going to want a shot ruined because someone's phone was in the way.
If something in the timeline changes throughout the night, make sure all vendors (caterer, band/ DJ, etc.) know.
Stay organized. It is so easy to get consumed by the details. I created a huge spreadsheet that I shared with my Maid of Honor, catering coordinator, and family. There are several templates and checklists available for free online so take advantage.
Let the guests of your wedding party sit at the head table. They’re going to have a much better time sitting with someone they know than awkwardly trying to make friends with your second cousin. If this makes your head table too big, stick it in the middle of the room. Here’s my layout, for example:

The inevitable road bumps & why I’m kicking myself

For the most part, the drama was kept from me so as far as I’m concerned, if I didn’t know about it it didn’t count.

There were, however, a few hiccups here and there: hair and makeup took longer than expected; the bar where we had planned to take our first look and wedding party photos was packed (football Saturday, what was I thinking?); and I completely forgot to take the speakers and microphones out of my car for our ceremony. None of that mattered, though. Everyone looked flawless, the photos from the bar were spectacular, and not one person had trouble hearing our officiant.

table with three cakes and flowers — Here’s where I screwed up

I didn’t eat the chocolate raspberry cake and gumbo I had been thinking about for years. My dress was so tight that I had no appetite (beauty is pain), and I didn’t trust myself with red liquids. A plate full of gumbo? Absolutely not.
I also wish I could have heard every song the quartet played as I helped to curate the setlist. Obviously, that’s out of my control. But it makes me think I should have hired a videographer.
And finally - please don’t tell my mom - I wish I had a second dress. I was so hot that at one point I nearly passed out.

All in all, I truly believe I did all that I could with the time and resources I had, and this wedding was honestly such a success.

Treat every day like a no bones day (this is no longer culturally relevant, but I’m leaning into it)

Self-care is insanely important for the weeks leading up to your wedding. It won’t get rid of the stress altogether, but it will reduce the risk of a heart attack. For instance, I had five massages over the span of two weeks, but I still had daily panic attacks. Logically, I knew everything was going to be fine, I had planned all I could plan, and I should've just been excited. Physically, the world was ending.

Rose from Titanic looking up, wearing a purple hat. Caption says, "Inside, I was screaming."

Once I reached the rehearsal dinner, however, the pounding in my chest disappeared. After an extra year of waiting and obsessing over the details, the anticipation was so great that I knew that I wasn’t able to relax until I saw the outcome for myself.

So much pressure is put on couples to have the perfect wedding - it’s as if our marriage will be cursed if we don’t. Obviously, that’s absurd, but we sure don’t act like it. Your wedding isn’t the best day of your life because of the decor. It’s the best day because you met someone who you are happy to spend the rest of your life with and the day is filled with friends and family celebrating your decision to do so.

So, my advice to you is to enjoy a glass of wine (or several) and don’t let anyone tell you to calm down.

Shoutout to the vendors

Photographer: Kayla Lupean

Venue: Glidden House

Rehearsal Dinner: Guarino’s

After Party: Jolly Scholar

Catering: Marigold Catering

Cake: Canela Bakery

Rentals: Borrow Curated/ L’Nique/ Event Source

Florist: Urban Orchid

Band: The Element (CLE Music Group)

Ceremony Quartet: City Six Strings